25 March 2026

The dark used to be scary because it made me think of ghosts. I knew they were there until I realized they were ancestors and so the darkness is where both fear and hope live. When you can contend with that then the fear is less scary and that’s why I appreciate the dark.

Between playing the board game Hues and Cues with Nilo and Meaghan, Luna describes to us what darkness means to her. Chomping rhythms of chips and salsa score her words as I write them down. I asked everyone their relationship to darkness because it’s supposed to symbolize how we subconsciously feel about death.

Luna has now joined the darkness & so remembering her gives me hope. 

I measure my joy by the polka dotted quality time spent with those who belong to the places I go. This time it was Portland, so I messaged Luna to hang out. Our closeness was associative because of our shared chosen family. She exuded what I loved about who she loved — bestie boo overlap. We only hung out once before but even that was memorable. Zina, Xiuhtezcatl, Estrella and Luna against me to debate mangos vs. apples, deep into the night while a family of raccoons peered from a tree. 

Luna & her two longtime friends picked me up and we journeyed to the Tillamook Cheese Factory. I asked her to take me because I like cheese and thought they also made beef jerky, a food that I’ll one day create a business around.

Along the drive we got to talking that real shit. We were all well acquainted with the earlier kinds of loss. Mulling through each of them felt like picking out the thorns of grief and sewing patchwork atop our hand-me-down denims. Our deepness then kept outward for the ocean to match. After swimming at Rockaway Beach we went to Luna’s where she gave us a tender tour of her art studio and family garden where I ate the best cherry tomato known to mankind. Like it fucked me up & down. 

It was the kind of day that you preserve in a mason jar for when you need a sweet treat. It was all new to me and all thanks to Luna. I’m broken that she’s not here anymore for those closest to her, because if she impacted me in this way in such a short span then I’m devastated for what others are going through.

Alongside the sorrow I’ll learn to appreciate the time spent just as Luna learned to appreciate the dark.