4 March 2023
Sydney Sweeney is my spirit animal. Can a white woman be a native man’s spirit animal? Lemme ask around..
Mica: “Ew.”
Tommy Pico: “every queer man has a diva. mine was courtney love, back in the 90s. it sounds like you’ve found a diva”
DA: “well white women are kinda like deer. They spook easy… so yes??”
Vann: “yes definitely yes”
When I was 11 years old, a year before my first sundance ceremony, my dad asked me what colors/symbols/theme/spirit animal I wanted on my skirt — what we wear on the ceremonial grounds.
“A penguin,” I replied without hesitation.
“What? No, Mato. Jesus Christ.”
Mato means bear in Lakota so I presume he was expecting a… grizzlier answer. If only I knew Sydney back then.
Back to the lecture at hand, I just read this 2022 Hollywood Reporter interview with Sydney Sweeney.. I must say.. umm… we think pretty alike. The magazine has been in my studio lobby’s bathroom for months now. I’ll give it an occasional glance every now & again — its sheeny skin cuddled up with other Hollywood trade magazines, one of which touts the warm smile of Zahn McClarnon, my co-worker(?) from Reservation Dogs. He almost remembered me the second time we met.
From what I read, Sydney thinks & moves with a cunning, yet compassionate nature & she’s very honest in the interview. Or she’s a great actor. I guess both can be true. Well yeah, ennit? Because you have to be honest to be a good actor. & she’s nominated for mad awards. I just got rejected for a major acting role & that’s something they taught me during the callback process — be honest. But then they rejected me… HMM.
I never cared to read this Sydney Sweeney interview because of two reasons. Last year I caught wind that Sydney hails from a family who openly supports Trump. Then I remembered that I also hail from a family who supports Trump. So I couldn’t feel mightier than thou any longer. My family doesn’t OPENLY support Trump, but you know .. when you can kinda smell it on one of your relatives? Couple of them .. they’re fragrant. Complaining a little too much about these gas prices.. pronounce “police” with a capital P.
Season 2 of my reasoning is season 1 of Euphoria. While it did contain lotta good things like acting // production design // music, I wasn’t the biggest fan. I understood why it was buzzing but I got all that subject matter out of my system in high school & wasn’t too stoked to revisit it; Euphoria wasn’t triggering to watch, but it was something like “oh, true.. the white boy drug dealer does stay strapped with a taser.” I watched it for research purposes with DA back in summer 2021. That season 1 finale is so ass.
When it comes to everything in my life, I keep an open mind, so I recently watched season 2 of Euphoria & was linoleum FLOORED. It is refined, alluring, funny, heartbreaking, troublesome, unpredictable. I cried a lot watching it. Sydney’s portrayal of Cassie is dizzying bro. I was THERE IN THOSE HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAYS WITH HER AS SHE DESCENDS INTO THE WORST BEST FRIEND EVER. On some music situations, episode 207 contains some delectable pieces from French // Italian composers like Piero Piccioni & Francis Lai, SOME OF WHICH I’VE SAMPLED SO I WAS STOKED TO SEE IT REIMAGINED IN THIS LIGHT. Cassie peering into the auditorium at the end of that episode.. that is horror.
Anywho I went thru my own little **internal transformation** which allowed me to dull my insecurities & ego enough to read the interview. It’s a neat time! I didn’t know anything about her & respect how she operates. She’s doing the most & is honest in regards to its consequences. I can relate to some of what she’s saying. The love of the craft, the beautifying effects of rejection. The no drugs (I don’t shout from the rooftops that I don’t do any drugs but yeah i don’t do drugs like that anymore). Recently I’ve been taking many work meetings at these different studios, etc. so it’s nice to learn from another young person in the industry even if we’re on pretty opposite sides of it. Seems to me that she’s living 5 years from now — planning production companies, getting her affairs in order — which I think is dope. Starting a family too? That’s where we differ, but I respect her decision.
Within this public-facing internal monologue, i’ve surmised that Sydney Sweeney is, in fact, not my spirit animal. I did learn from her & the interview makes me feel more understood. It’s currently Saturday night & I’m in my studio, alone. It’s a Tinker Bell day. At least once a week I spend the entire day tinkering with whatever form of expression my heart sweetens to. Today I wrote a few music ideas, walked to Trader Joe’s whilst listening to Joni Mitchell (“Carey” goes nuts, shoutout Georgia for the rec) & Björk (“Oceania,” shoutout Tierra for the rec), watched American Hustle & took some notes, & now I’m writing to you.. Samantha (idk who Samantha is in this context I just made the name up.. imagine that a Samantha is reading this though! How special you must feel!).
For about 7-8 years I’ve allotted a day of the week like this to myself. It’s good, it feels like a good creative stretch. Free weights for ingenuity. I say all this to say, reading Sydney’s interview emboldens me to keep doing what I’m doing because it’s gotten me this far you know! Whatever you’re doing has gotten YOU this far right? & I bet it’s not wondering whether or not a white woman is your spirit animal. Maybe you’ve already settled with a penguin. It’s been like 12 years since penguins have been present in popular culture & I do miss them.